Lunch !

I like to eat at 12. Until recently i didn't eat breakfast in the morning, and let me tell you, you can get really hungry not having anything but a coffee before 12. If you leave at twelve you can usually get a table, service and your food quicker than any other time i find. Now both eating something in the morning and leaving for breakfast at 12 have become habit. 

Some people like to eat at 12:30. I think the logic is that more people leave at 12 or 1 so they can catch a lull in the flow of traffic and so the people that leave at 12 don't know how long they take for lunch. Not to mention they can say the don't take as long in general, logic being if you leave at twelve you are taking a longer lunch to be back at 2 when everyone is normally back in the office. If you leave at 12:30 you can make it look like you are doing something important that can't wait for you to go to lunch and come back.

I was informed that i was supposed to be in charge of the phones when no one was in the office at lunch today. I'm never really informed of anything, i just kind of hits me a little later as i figure out what was insinuated - direct communication of meaning is considered either for idiots or illegal, i haven't figured out which. I also realized that i should forward the departments calls to my cellphone if i wanted to go to lunch. "Malheureusement" i didn't have my personal cellphone with me today. So i had to wait til everyone else got back. When I insinuate something I'm either being sarcastic or nasty but when my bosses do it it's an official request for which I'm allowed to burn at the stake like Joan if i don't catch. Is that it? Do they think it's America's fault for not saving Joan in that war like we saved Charles de Gaulle's Ass in North Africa? Charles at least had the good sense to flee until everything was safe and then come back! Well actually Joan was probably confused about which country she was in. She was actually conquering British territory. Maybe the Belgians (the real culprits) thought she wouldn't stop and might like to go conquering someone else's territory, like theirs??? Culprits or Preemptive strike to the head? I read that Jacques Chirac refused to apologize officially for France's colonization of Algeria. I'm sure there's some political gain to be had for Algeria if he does. I just can't figure out what it is. It's kind of like having Putin apologize for the bay of pigs. Should America apologize for Joan? Would that solve things? I'll do it! I'll apologize! Joan is the greatest symbol of all that is French today! Without her France would never had existed (except for 2 cities in the south according to Luc Besson) There would never had been a buffer between the Anglo Saxon world and the Muslim propagation that is still slowly spreading. We would have used force a lot earlier and I would be the head of my own principality being attended by beautiful female virgin servants that i would have to hide when the queen made her rare visit...

Anyway sorry for that interlude. Today I ate at "restaurant gourmand". Alone as usual. i like it that way. When i eat alone conversation is 100% American! When i eat alone i can't piss anyone off by being too negative. I don't worry about whether or not my breath is bad. I don't not understand who I'm eating with and there are no uncomfortable smiling "wait til he/she changes the topic to catch the what they are talking about again" situations. Etc... Eating alone is quicker and then i can walk around the neighborhood or look at stuff at surcouf or fnac longer. Restaurant Gourmand's specialty is Bagel sandwiches. If you are American you are thinking - novel concept. If you are French you think all Americans eat bagel sandwiches or hamburgers. This is the result of you listening to idiots and watching too much tv. Stop, just stop. After the Bagel part there is no resemblance to anything American except the names of the sandwiches. There are about 12 different sandwich "menus" to choose from, each named after a different American city. Now i can't possibly explain how much this whole menu thing is annoying. Everywhere you go there are limited choices because the French have decided which combinations of everything go together. For instance, You can't buy a pizza with pepperoni, It has to be an "Italian" and even then you'll get the sour cream whether you like it or not. It's a scam and no one has a problem with it. It's a scam because you're obliged to pay more for a menu than "a la carte" if you are looking for what you want. Is that it, people don't want to have to decide? Personally i think Mayonnaise goes with Tuna and Ilike curry and turkey! So What? Ohhh, that's right, everything has to be the same here like - haircuts for men, knowledge of advanced math, your fucking accent!

I never had a dessert growing up in the states after lunches. Dessert is for after dinner. Now because of these menus, i have dessert after lunch. I'm not saying it's France's fault I'm fat. I can always choose the fruit. The French think dessert is fruit. That's fine for them. Not me. Unfortunately for me this is France and it doesn't work that way. Dessert is not chocolate but they will offer it to show they are open-minded. Mousse au Chocolate because it's 3/4 air and Tiramisu are possible dessert choices only because the Chic restaurants started serving it in the 80's... I must live in an alternate reality that shares the same plane of existence.

I chose the NY menu. Cole Slaw, Turkey, Pastrami, Honey mustard, Sweet pickles, and potato chips, didn't you know that's a NY! Apparently that's what we eat in NY if you believe the name of the sandwich. Maybe it's a joke saying we don't know the difference between beef and volaile? But I didn't want a fruit dessert, (the chocolate mousse looked dangerous as a liquid) It cost a random amount less than the menu, because the guy doesn't do that often. I asked NOT to have sweet pickles and honey mustard on the bagel.  It didn't taste half bad, the honey mustard and sweet pickles were especially good, because the girl doesn't do that often...

I was asked to pay at the end of the meal. Dangerous proposition but what can you do? if you are going to get screwed, you either walk out or get screwed, doesn't matter when it happens. I'm used to weird shit when the subject concerns me and no others here now. So, I climbed into my corner banging my knees. I ate, and noticed the reason that the name of the restaurant was apt. Gourmand means "greedy" and I still can't figure out why that's a good thing in France. I think it means that you have had so much that you must be an expert but that's as close as i can get. In this case i think it means that the restaurant owner is gourmand because of all the profit she makes by giving the smallest portions of lunch anywhere. Fortunately for me the bread in a bagel is about 65 times more dense than that of a baguette, so i won't be hungry before five! I'm happy, except for my knees.  ; )